First Date…. JR

Jake from State Farm took up entirely too much space in my posts.  He’s not completely terrible, but I definitely won’t be dating him.  I won’t rule out meeting up again, I’m sure running into each other is bound to happen at some point, and I’m fine with that.

Carissa asked if I’d be going back on match.com now that I moved here.  I said definitely not yet.  I wanna feel my way around on my own first.  I do still have an active okcupid account, which is free, and many people see as a joke.  Because it’s free.  I just take it with a grain of salt.  I’m not really actively on there, but am not opposed to responding to messages of people who seem fun and normal.  My take on it is, I’m new in town;  having a new friend wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen, so I’m keeping an open mind.

A guy who we will call JR messaged me on OKC (that’s what the cool kids call it for short).  He seemed cute and adventurous, and although he admitted to drinking protein shakes as meals (gag), he definitely didn’t look or seem to be a meathead.  He has a traditional job, which as I mentioned in a past post, is uncommon ’round these parts.  When I say a traditional job, I mean he has one.  That he goes to.  5 days a week.  And gets a paycheck.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all about the paycheck, but guys with zero motivation in life just bother me.  A lot.  I was anxious to get away from all of the NYC materialistic “suits,” but what I failed to realize is that the polar opposite in a guy is equally as unattractive.

So anyway, here we have a seemingly laid back dude… with a job, a propensity towards travel, and a resident of Mission Beach (convenience).  We sent each other a couple of emails, in which I made it clear I’m not a fan of being “pen-pals” with someone I don’t know and have never met.  I feel like it just gets awkward when you talk to someone a bunch, then meet them, decide you don’t like them, and then just quit talking to them.

So…. JR responded with “I know this is really last-minute, but would you be able to go out tonight?  I’m leaving for Europe on Friday for several weeks for work, so we’d have to be pen-pals until after that… or not.”

Errrrrrr…..  that’s annoying.  Who has to go to Europe for several weeks??  Shut up, Court, be happy he HAS a job.  I was kinda busy that night attending a birthday party for a bar I’d never even been to with some friends from college.  Yes, it was important.  They had good drink specials.  So I told him I was going, but if he didn’t find it awkward, he was welcome to join.  He surprisingly accepted the invitation.

Soooo…. I’m sitting there at a table with a bunch of people.  JR hadn’t gotten there yet.  Carissa and everyone else obviously had seen his pictures so they knew who to look for.  All of the sudden Carissa stands up on her bar stool peg, waves her arms and goes

“There he is!”

I instinctively hopped off my chair without really looking at him, and walked right up.  The guy standing next to him looked at me and said “Oh she actually showed up.”  I said:

“Hi JR!”

He said, “I’m not JR.”

I ran away.

Ugh…. CARISSA!!!!!

So the correct person, did walk in shortly after, and the night went well.  He met my sister and her Mexican lover, Tonto.  Look at that, two shout-outs to Tonto in one week.   My PSU friends made fun of me, but there’s very little that offends me.   He was the type of guy that grows on you.  The more I talked to him, the more I liked him.  And Carissa and I didn’t scare him away…. soooooo……..

After a couple of hours I excused myself because I had an early morning.  He left as well.  And offered me a ride home.  In his Mercedes.  I was like oooolalalaaa I feel rich!  And I didn’t put that sentence in quotes, because I didn’t actually say that out loud, thank goodness.  A few of the things you probably shouldn’t say on a first date, I obviously did say.  Which include but are not limited to:

1.  Windshield wipers turn me on

2.  Rainex turns me on

3.  I wish it rained here so I could take advantage of my Rainex.

Despite these being the last things I said to him before a hug goodbye, he dug me.  He told me so.  And he told me to avoid all other men until he gets back.  I told him fat chance.  In a nicer way.  I only met him for less than 3 hours…. I’m not sold yet.   Butttttt I haven’t ruled him out either…..

Catch ya on the flip side.

xoxo Gossip Girl

Jake from State Farm [take 2]

If you knew me at all, you’d probably know I don’t usually “just let things go.”  The whole Jake from State Farm not talking to me ever again was bugging me.  Not because I was yearning to see him again, just because I didn’t really understand WHY he wasn’t trying to see me again.  I talked about him at least 3 times a day.  Every day since meeting him.  Each time included a “wtf.”  No one could really give me any clues as to why he might be ignoring me.

On one of our daily post-work road trips to shop for cars, my sister and I were talking.

“I want to ask Jake from State Farm really bluntly… like w…t…f?  But I want an actual answer.  Like a real response.  So I’m not sure how to word this.”

Carissa’s like, “Hmmmm… I don’t really know.”

I’m mulling it over, trying to think of different ways to word it….. Carissa says, “Why don’t you just say wtf?”

“Yeah, I mean, my actual question is, ‘Jake from State Farm…. WHAT THE F***?…. So I might as well just say that.”

I grab my cell, pull up “Jake from State Farm” and text him “wtf”

That’s it.  “wtf”

2 minutes later, a text box pops up.  I’m driving.  Carissa’s using my phone to navigate.

“Jake from State Farm.  He responded.”

“Read it.”

“Hola.”

“WWWWTTTTTFFFFFFF????  Hola???  After 2 weeks…. hola???”

“You kind of deserved that response.”

The conversation was kicked off and JFSF gave me some lame excuse about being out-of-town and then having his dad visit.  I just commended him on his slick “fade out” move and told him I was just taking the moment to call him out.

I still didn’t have closure because he didn’t give me an actual explanation.

Jake from State Farm continued to text yesterday, and asked what I was doing this weekend.  I told him I had no real plans and I was going out in PB if he’d like to join.  He didn’t respond until we were already out, and his response included an invite to hang out at his house, which is on the beach in Mission Beach.  I told him I was already out, and wouldn’t be coming over, but he was welcome to join us in PB.

He said PB “wasn’t in the cards.”

Douche.  My sister and V hate him at this point.  Then he CALLS me.  At the bar.  To tell me he will pay for my cab to come meet him at his beach house.  Ummmm NO.  If you want to see me, you will COME HERE.  He says no.

I’m standing there bitching about him to Carissa and V, when I turn around, and the creeper is standing in the doorway between the bar and the outdoor patio just staring at me.  Ummmm…. Jake?  From State Farm??

He looks like shit.  Excuse my language.  But he looks like absolute shit.  To be more precise, he looks like a lesbian on drugs.

I go over and hug him.  His hair looks like it hasn’t been washed in days, and I’m not sure if his eyes are open or closed.  I guess they were somewhere in between, but more on the side of closed.

He tried to pull me in for some dance moves, which I initially agreed to.

Then my little sister comes over, pulls JFSF aside and says to him forcefully:  “Jake from State Farm, I don’t like you.  I don’t like you at all.”

Ohhhh geez, she’s been hanging out with me wayyyyyy too much lately.  I’m just standing there smirking and enjoying it, because this is not in my sister’s character.  I felt like the roles were reversed.  It’s usually me giving guys the: “I will murder you if you do anything to my sister” lecture.  But Carissa has taken this on in full force.  And I don’t mind.  Because Jake from State Farm needs to take a long walk off a short pier.

We hung out for a little longer.  V says “I don’t like him… at all.”  Brie’s boyfriend Colin says, “Don’t like him.”

We left.  I don’t know what Jake from State Farm did.  I wouldn’t have been surprised if he just passed out where he was standing.  He was so out-there, it was kinda crazy.  He sent several texts, a few last night, and one this morning, to which I did not respond.

Jake from State Farm, you were fun while you lasted, but I’m officially over you.  Peace out, cub scout.

xoxo Gossip Girl

 

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