Jake from State Farm [take 2]

If you knew me at all, you’d probably know I don’t usually “just let things go.”  The whole Jake from State Farm not talking to me ever again was bugging me.  Not because I was yearning to see him again, just because I didn’t really understand WHY he wasn’t trying to see me again.  I talked about him at least 3 times a day.  Every day since meeting him.  Each time included a “wtf.”  No one could really give me any clues as to why he might be ignoring me.

On one of our daily post-work road trips to shop for cars, my sister and I were talking.

“I want to ask Jake from State Farm really bluntly… like w…t…f?  But I want an actual answer.  Like a real response.  So I’m not sure how to word this.”

Carissa’s like, “Hmmmm… I don’t really know.”

I’m mulling it over, trying to think of different ways to word it….. Carissa says, “Why don’t you just say wtf?”

“Yeah, I mean, my actual question is, ‘Jake from State Farm…. WHAT THE F***?…. So I might as well just say that.”

I grab my cell, pull up “Jake from State Farm” and text him “wtf”

That’s it.  “wtf”

2 minutes later, a text box pops up.  I’m driving.  Carissa’s using my phone to navigate.

“Jake from State Farm.  He responded.”

“Read it.”

“Hola.”

“WWWWTTTTTFFFFFFF????  Hola???  After 2 weeks…. hola???”

“You kind of deserved that response.”

The conversation was kicked off and JFSF gave me some lame excuse about being out-of-town and then having his dad visit.  I just commended him on his slick “fade out” move and told him I was just taking the moment to call him out.

I still didn’t have closure because he didn’t give me an actual explanation.

Jake from State Farm continued to text yesterday, and asked what I was doing this weekend.  I told him I had no real plans and I was going out in PB if he’d like to join.  He didn’t respond until we were already out, and his response included an invite to hang out at his house, which is on the beach in Mission Beach.  I told him I was already out, and wouldn’t be coming over, but he was welcome to join us in PB.

He said PB “wasn’t in the cards.”

Douche.  My sister and V hate him at this point.  Then he CALLS me.  At the bar.  To tell me he will pay for my cab to come meet him at his beach house.  Ummmm NO.  If you want to see me, you will COME HERE.  He says no.

I’m standing there bitching about him to Carissa and V, when I turn around, and the creeper is standing in the doorway between the bar and the outdoor patio just staring at me.  Ummmm…. Jake?  From State Farm??

He looks like shit.  Excuse my language.  But he looks like absolute shit.  To be more precise, he looks like a lesbian on drugs.

I go over and hug him.  His hair looks like it hasn’t been washed in days, and I’m not sure if his eyes are open or closed.  I guess they were somewhere in between, but more on the side of closed.

He tried to pull me in for some dance moves, which I initially agreed to.

Then my little sister comes over, pulls JFSF aside and says to him forcefully:  “Jake from State Farm, I don’t like you.  I don’t like you at all.”

Ohhhh geez, she’s been hanging out with me wayyyyyy too much lately.  I’m just standing there smirking and enjoying it, because this is not in my sister’s character.  I felt like the roles were reversed.  It’s usually me giving guys the: “I will murder you if you do anything to my sister” lecture.  But Carissa has taken this on in full force.  And I don’t mind.  Because Jake from State Farm needs to take a long walk off a short pier.

We hung out for a little longer.  V says “I don’t like him… at all.”  Brie’s boyfriend Colin says, “Don’t like him.”

We left.  I don’t know what Jake from State Farm did.  I wouldn’t have been surprised if he just passed out where he was standing.  He was so out-there, it was kinda crazy.  He sent several texts, a few last night, and one this morning, to which I did not respond.

Jake from State Farm, you were fun while you lasted, but I’m officially over you.  Peace out, cub scout.

xoxo Gossip Girl

 

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