Hello my old friend. I used to come to you to bitch about first dates gone wrong, and make fun of my mother. I feel like I’ve been neglecting you now that I haven’t had a first date in almost three years, and my mother now lives about 3,000 miles too far away to make fun of on a regular basis.
In any case, I’ve found myself in a situation in which I’m in-between striving for ordinary, and purchasing a one way plane ticket to somewhere… anywhere I’ve never been before, and figuring the rest out from there. In short, the situation is called unemployment. I’ve gotten laid off, yet again… a result of working for a start-up that got bought out shortly after I began my employment. I didn’t cry when I found out. I was somewhat expecting the call when I heard we were getting acquired. (I’m lying. I definitely cried… but only for like 3.5 minutes, which I think is basically considered not crying).
IS IT A SIGN??? IT’S A SIGN! I’m destined for bigger things! The past 3 years since I moved out to California have been tumultuous, career-wise. Although, with every closed-door, a new one presented itself very quickly. Sometimes it presented itself before I was even really ready to walk through it (that’s the cheesiest thing I’ve ever typed). For the first time in my career, I have found myself a full week without a job or even a lead. WHAT.IS.GOING.ON? HELLO?! I’ve applied to every medical sales and sales management position on this side of the Mississippi (well, mostly ones in California), as well as signed up for websites that cast extras for TV and film… you know to pass the time while I look for a real job.
Expecting to be bombarded with emails and phone calls after day one of getting out my professional resume and my adorable self-taken head-shot (ok, it was a selfie), I was sadly wrong, and baffled. No one wants me. I feel alone. I feel lost. Not in the sad, actual lonely, lost way. Just in the confused, anxious, bored, what-do-I-do-now way (hey there…wine).
I’ve said countless times that next time I find myself unemployed, I will not jump straight to the next job again. I’ve vowed to take an international trip, maybe back to somewhere in Africa, work my way around the world, and then come back and figure out my next move. But when unemployment actually happens, I get this feeling… I don’t know what to call it… hmmm…panic? Logically, I know I’ll find a new job eventually, but the thought of my severance running out in a month (tick, tick, tick… 3 weeks), and no direct deposits entering my bank account for the foreseeable future, just straight rubs me the wrong way. Seems wrong. Is taking off and gallivanting the world really the best move?
Also, I’m an introvert. “WHAT?!? STFU COURTNEY YOU ARE NOT AN INTROVERT.” Yes I freakin’ am. I’m slightly terrified to travel alone for an extended period of time. I’m not scared of the unknown, or finding my way around, or flying by myself. I’m scared of having no one to talk to because I’m sometimes bad at entering into social situations I’m not familiar with by myself. If I have someone with me that I know, it completely changes my dynamic and my attitude, which is why some of you may not believe that I’m actually, deep down, an introvert. You’ve never seen me in an uncomfortable situation by myself. It’s weird, it’s strange, and I don’t like it. And I’m being very open with all you random people right now for some unknown reason. Probably because I’m unemployed, bored, and have nothing else to do but open my emotions to the world-wide interwebs.
So here I am… at a fork in the road. Can you call it a fork if there are more than two ways to go? I think you can, because actual forks usually have three to four prongs. I had to replace my three-pronged forks with four-pronged ones because I was getting complaints from guests. In any case… If I take this fork to the left: I find another well-paying job within my comfort zone of medical sales. Sell my soul. Pay my bills. The fork goes right: I take off and travel the world, apply for a volunteer opportunity or two and come back by Christmas or my family will have my head on a platter. The fork goes straight, dead ahead: Someone from The Bachelor Franchise realizes I’m destined to work for them. I become best friends with Chris Harrison, and live happily ever after.
help.
xoxo, Chickadees.
breathe in, laugh out 