A Friday Night Out… Enter: Soulmate

A couple of weeks ago, I took this photo from Tinder and posted it on my Facebook page, announcing that I had found my soulmate, based on his tagline alone.


Each time I referred to this guy with my friends, it would be “my soulmate” this, or “my soulmate” that, and everyone knew who I was talking about.  I hadn’t met the guy yet, and really, hadn’t even spoken to him.  A few days after I right-swiped him, he reached out, and we began chatting a little.  He seemed kinda funny and quirky.  And he lives in PB which is nice, because everyone who doesn’t live in PB seems to hate on it and never wants to come here.

“Oh… I won’t go out in PB anymore…”  [eye roll]


PB?!  I haven’t been there in like 3 years….”


“I’m too ollldddd to go out in PB…”

You get the idea.  People who used to live here are now way too good for it.   Or are afraid of fun.  Not people I feel like hanging around anyway.

So Friday morning started with V on the couch watching TV (she works Sundays through Thursdays), and me getting ready for work.  As I’m procrastinating around the house, V says,

“Would you just leave already, so you can come back??”

I say, “The only reason I’m leaving is so I can come back.”

It made sense in my head.  It was a warm, sunny day, and there were some baseball games on… the people without regular jobs were all going out to the bars to watch.  So I carried along with my day, with friendly reminders from V every once in a while to hurry up, and when I was content with my progress, I ran home to shower for happy hour.  We got on our bikes, with plenty of hours of daylight ahead and began our evening.

At the first bar, we met up with a few guy friends who all had something to say about “the cowboy,” and wanted to know how that was going.  I informed them that I’d been speaking to him but haven’t seen him since the first awkward coffee date.  They were confused as to WHY I would want to see him again, and the best way I could explain it was to say I just really want to get to the bottom of what the hell is wrong with him.  Because there is something very wrong with him.

As we’re sitting around the table, with my phone in the middle, it lights up with a very blatent Tinder message notification.  Andy points to it and laughs.  I pick it up and read it.  It’s my soulmate inquiring about my plans for the night.  Yeeehhhawwwwwwww…. I wanna meet this dude!  I tell V  that he might meet up later after he gets out of work and goes to the gym.

Since it was still sunny out, V and I grabbed our bikes and headed to our next destination, Lahaina’s… which is basically a big deck on the beach.  It’s always hopping, but apparently less-so after the summer is over and tourists are gone, so we were able to secure a good spot with a table.  At some point during my text convo with Soulmate, he barked and then I meowed, and V said, “Maybe you are actually soulmates.”

Soulmate messages to say he’s leaving the gym and going to stop by Lahaina’s on his way home.

“ON HIS WAY HOME??? That’s so lame… he’s going to come here all sweaty from the gym??”

V suggests, “Maybe he’s trying to feel you out before committing to hanging out?”

“Good point.”

He shows up in his gym attire.  Definitely cute, but shorter than I thought.  (I know, I know… I’m short.. yada yada)  He is quietly witty.  And he can handle V and me, in our giggly sarcastic moods.  So I’m digging his vibes.  He’s a doctor, but not a stuffy doctor.  We bonded sharing medical stories and useful info such as how to get a mouse into the bladder, and what happens if you stick a turkey baster full of tequila up your ass (he’s witnessed the aftermath).

Then something happens.  We ask his last name.  His last name comes out of his mouth and V LOSES IT.  Like full-out starts laughing so hard she can’t breathe.  Then the tears start flowing, and she gets out, “is that your real name??”

It really wasn’t THAT funny… but V is crying, and now so am I.  It’s the kinda thing where you’re not supposed to be laughing, but someone else is, so you just can’t stop.  Soulmate is taking it okay, and can’t help laughing a little, but I don’t think he really knew what he was laughing at.  Just as we were composing ourselves, V says,

“So if they need to find you in the hospital do they say, “Paging Doctor _______??”


She loses it again.   After a good 10 minutes we were able to move to another topic of conversation.  Then our former couch-dweller, Erin shows up, and we have to share his last name all over again.

Despite our obnoxious behavior, when the sun went down and it was time to hit up the next place, instead of parting ways for the night, Soulmate said he was going to run home and shower and then come meet back up with us, which he did.  We somehow passed the post-gym test with flying colors, because he was back to meet us at Open Bar in no time.  And then followed to Reds, where we danced like idiots to country music, with some of Erin’s dance moves taking place from the floor, lying on her back and kicking her legs in the air to the beat.  Not really sure how we pulled off that place without getting kicked out.  But we did.

Soulmate went home, V went to frolic on the beach with String Bean Ween, I have no idea where Erin went, and then JR randomly texted saying he was at the place next door.  Showing the bad decision-making skills I’m known to have, I stopped in there instead of just GOING HOME like a normal person would have.  Of course, he’s hammered and so super-duper ducky excited to see me like I’m his long-lost lover (REMINDER…  he didn’t want to date ME)… He was like jumping up and down and trying to dance with this big goofy smile on his face, when I pulled out my iPhone, clicked on the “Lyft” app [awesome new cab service], and requested a car at the click of a button.  It said my car would be there in 3 minutes, so I hightailed it awayyyy from JR’s hideous dance moves, and bolted out the front door.  He followed.   As the mustache Lyft car pulled up, I said goodbye and hopped in… only to have JR immediately text me 300 times.  SO.OVER.IT.

I finally get home and in bed, when V comes through the door explaining that she was just at the beach doing “normal sand activities,” while standing over my bed and shaking out her clothes.   I’m still trying to get sand out of my sheets.  And still trying to figure out what “normal sand activities” are.

After the doozy of a Friday night, we used Saturday as a relaxation day at the beach watching surf competitions and lounging by a pool, followed by a movie night in with Thai food.

Soulmate texted and asked if he’ll see me again.  When I asked if he wanted to, he said “Duh.”

So, I’m waiting for his move, and will try not to think about his last name next time I see him…

‘Til next time, love bugs….

xoxo Gossip Girl

Hump Day Happy Hour and The Girl on our Couch

So I’m putting a kibosh to the poetry.  Apparently it was boring to everyone besides myself.  But for the record, the last one was about a PENIS.  So how about you just go back and read it again with THAT in mind, and then tell me it’s not really funny.

Anyway, I’m driving around today, as any other day, and I decided I was in the mood to be social tonight.  More specifically, I was in the mood to go out… with girls… and only girls… and get hit on by men.  I knew Carissa had class at 6:30pm, so she wouldn’t be down for happy hour.  I texted V, my only other single friend, and shared my thoughts.  She didn’t answer.

Let’s rewind here for a minute.  I live in a house with two other girls.  V & T.  They’re both amazing and fun and we all mesh really well.  What I haven’t mentioned yet, is that for the past couple of weeks we have had another girl living on our couch Mondays through Thursdays.  Not our main living room couch… we have another large room, a step down from our main floor, with a huge wrap around couch.  It’s a room nobody ever goes into… a den, if you will… and now there’s a random girl living there.  Well, she was random.  A friend of a friend asked V if someone could rent out our couch for a few weeks while she was in town on business.  We’re all the types that don’t really care… as long as the girl wasn’t going to murder us or do anything weird, so we agreed.  At first, I thought the girl probably WOULD murder us, but after a few days, I realized she was not only harmless, but actually very entertaining… and now even my Facebook friend… which is big moves.  In any case, she’s barely around, and sort of stealth-like, in the way that I don’t usually know that she’s home unless she purposely makes herself known.

So I get home from work today to what I thought was an empty house, until I hear Erin yell, “hello!” from her secret room.  I yelled “hello!” back, and continued on with my business.  Carissa called while I was sitting on the couch, and I started explaining how I’d like to go out and socialize and have men hit on me, but V never answered and that I knew that Carissa had to go to class.

“I’ll drive you out, and watch you drink beer ’til I have to leave?”  she offered.   What a good sister.  I passed on that offer.  Then I hear a shout from the secret room downstairs,


The girl on the couch emerged.  “Ok!” I shout back.

Two minutes later, V responds and says she’s down for HH as well.  I texted T and Brie also, but they were both busy.  2.5 happy hour friends.  Good.  Carissa says she’ll be over in a few to get us, so Erin and I quickly get ready, and I attempt to make myself look at least somewhat cute since my main goal for the evening is to socialize with the opposite sex and get hit on (you’d think, being single, this would usually be my goal, but I get so caught up with who I’m out with, that I tend to forget to look around).

We go out to PB Cantina, where they have a 2-for-one special, and fall into the usual pattern of talking each other’s ears off and not really looking around.  Carissa’s sipping water, and in my opinion, not looking that cute.  I mean she’s cute, whatever… but she didn’t look THAT cute.  Anyway, after about 45 minutes she gets up and says she has to head out to her class.  We all say goodbye and she leaves.

A couple of minutes later, some guy walks up to our table, and comes straight up to me.

“Oh great,” I’m thinking… “this guy’s about to hit on me and he’s not even that attractive… ugh…”

He starts out with: “I’m really sorry if this is weird, but…”

[In my head:  “Herreeee we go…. let’s get on with it…. hit on me, why don’t ya?”]

He continues… “Well … My name is Darl.”

“DARL?…. Like with an ‘L’ at the end?”


“Ok…. Hi Darl…”

“Your friend that just left… I’m kinda really into her… Is she going to be coming back?”

WTF!!!!!  Are you KIDDING me right now???

I ask him, “How old are you?”


“Well she’s not my friend, she’s my sister… and you’re too old for her… and no, she’s not coming back.  But I will certainly let her know, and I’m sure she will be very flattered.”

He just stands there and stares at me with sad puppy dog eyes.  And the girls stare at him.  And then he finally looks down, defeated, and walks away.

V goes, “WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO CARISSA????  Everyone says we look alike but nobody EVER hits on ME!!!”

I’m mad.  “I WAS THE ONE THAT CAME HERE TO GET HIT ON!!!!  I’m mad.  And offended.  This is not fair.”  I’m probably pouting at this point.

V says, “She’s young and fresh.”

Ugh.  So annoying.  That damn Carissa.  Can’t bring her anywhere.  So the night continues.  And it turns out that the girl on the couch,  [Erin], although 31 and also single, has never heard of Tinder… wait… WHAT?!  V and I make her download the app, and give her a quick tutorial.  In no time at all, she’s swiping away and completely enthralled.  She had several matches right off the bat, and in about 5 minutes, got her first message.

She freaked a little, and didn’t know what to say, so I took her phone out of her hand and responded to the sexual man who told her she was beautiful.  It was a group effort, and within 20 minutes we made her plans to meet a 26-year-old down at the beach.  V had her car, so we told her we’d drop her off.

On the way, we stopped at a liquor store so she could pick up a bottle of twist off wine to bring with her.  V and I sat in the car… all of a sudden I said,

“We created a monster…. is this a bad idea?”

V says, “Maybe?  Are we horrible people?”

“I think we are.”

Erin gets back in the car and says, “The guy in there tried to rip me off, but luckily I speak Arabic, so I got my money back.”

“You speak ARABIC??”

“Well, not real Arabic… I only know how to say ‘I’m from the streets.'”

Oh… well in that case….

So we drive her down to the end of the road.  We don’t see the guy, so we get out of the car and look down below at the sand.  There’s some kind of scrimmage going on in the dark.


Then we see him as he walks towards us.  Erin says, “Oh, are you who I’m meeting?”

I immediately get my phone out and start taking pictures of him, because now I’m convinced he’s just going to take her down to the beach and murder her.

I go up and give him a hug and then ask, “Are you going to kill her?”

He responds with, “Well…. it is a full-moon tonight, so you never know.”

Apparently that was a good enough answer for me?  We said goodbye and left her there.  I felt ok, because I got a full-on shot of his face, flash on and all.  Now V and I are driving home and I say, “Did we just drop Erin off to get murdered?”

V says, AGAIN… “I think we are horrible people.”

We get home and text her.  She says she’s still alive, and that the guy speaks Spanish.  So I guess that’s a plus?  At least she’s still alive.  Are we horrible people??  Maybe.  Fingers crossed she makes it back to the couch in one piece….


Gossip Girl

You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide

The reason I’m typing this right now is because I have to be up for work at 5am, so I obviously can’t sleep… that’s just the way it works, isn’t it?  So back open comes the laptop.

Where did I leave off with JR?  OH… at the non-plan plans for Lobster Taco Night.  Well it turned out they were actual plans… we ended up meeting at a place called World Famous on the beach on Wednesday night.  I’ve never had any sort of taco with fish in it before (is that pretty weird?), but they were very enjoyable.  We had a couple of glasses of wine, and JR’s toast was to our first night out ALONE (what, you don’t like me bringing my sister on dates?!) , and then after dinner he suggested we go to this place a couple of blocks away that has comedy night on Wednesday nights.  I was enjoying myself enough, so I agreed.

The first few guys to get on stage were ehhhh…. I was kinda like these guys aren’t that funny….

JR agreed, but whispered, “Look over there to the right… there’s a fat guy waiting to go on.  Fat guys are always funny.”

Sure enough…the fat guy was funny… or maybe it was just that we had more wine by the time it was his turn.  I had never been to a comedy show before, so that was two firsts in one night.  JR was fun, and cute, but kept his arms distance for most of the night, which I didn’t mind but thought was a bit strange because he was the one that seemed so intent on keeping something going.  Towards the end of the comedy thing, he finally loosened up a little, and snuck an arm around me.  I didn’t mind that either.

Although I knew he was leaving again for The Netherlands on Sunday, we didn’t say goodbye that night.  I guess I just didn’t think about it, but afterwards realized I probably wouldn’t see him again for like another month, if ever.  During one of our text chats, I mentioned I didn’t say goodbye, and he said he hoped we’d see each other again before Sunday.  I asked when, and he said “possibly tomorrow?” which would mean Friday… but he originally had plans with his little brother, so I wasn’t really counting on it.

Anyway, Friday comes around, and it’s become the norm to start off the night in the living room with Carissa and V… until we get too hot or antsy, and then move to the front porch.  We sat out there for a long time, drinking beers and delaying making ourselves look presentable to the public.  My friend Theo had asked us to join for happy hour at a place called Jonny V’s that I’d never been to.  It sounded like they had a fab happy hour deal from 4-10pm, but our lazy asses didn’t even get out of the house ’til 9:30, so we were basically going to miss it.

We walked into town, realizing halfway that if we hurried a little, we’d make the deal by like 5 minutes and since we are a combination of poor and penny pinchers, always looking for good deals, we booked it.  Not to mention we all started having to pee really badly (sorry mom, I mean urinate… ) (sorry mom again, you probably don’t think it’s lady-like to speak about urination… but we had to go).

Somewhere along the walk I sent JR a simple text, “Are you going out tonight?”

I was half expecting him to say no, and half expecting him to say yes, but he was with his brother.  He hadn’t answered yet.  We arrived at the door, and I quickly gave my ID and ran to the bar without discussing my plan with Carissa and V.  They probably assumed I ran to the ladies room (which is what they did), but I wanted to make it in time for the deal, so I figured I’d get us a round, then we’d all go to the bathroom.

It didn’t work like that.  I lost them… so I was walking around in a frantic panic looking for them with three drinks in my hand.  I couldn’t put them down and go to the bathroom because they’d surely get roofied.  I decided to start calling them.  But I figured my best bet was to look AND call at the same time, instead of putting the drinks down to hold my phone… so with three full glasses in my hands, and a phone shoved between my ear and my shoulder, I’m looking around and who do I see?  Not Carissa… Not V…. No… It was JR.  Standing there at the bar.  W….T….F?!

We locked eyes immediately, and both had confused looks on our faces.  At this point I didn’t even care that I randomly ran into him.  I just frantically shoved one of the glasses at him and said I needed to find Carissa and V.  A second later I see them coming… hand them the other two drinks and run off to the bathroom.  It’s there that I realize what just happened.  WHAT…ARE…THE…CHANCES?!  This happens to me so often I feel like I shouldn’t even be surprised anymore.  There are probably 200 bars in this town.  He doesn’t even live in this town.  And he is at the same one in the same room at the same exact time.

I go back out, and he introduces me to his buddy.  I tell him it’s a good thing he just ignored my text instead of lying about if he was out, because THAT would have been embarrassing!  He said he just got the text when he was getting out of the car.   Mmmmhhhhmmmmmmm…..  So after a brief conversation, I turn to the girls and say we should probably at least go to a different area because he obviously had no intentions of seeing me right now, and was with his dude.  We moved on to play pool with some Navy guys, but the boys were still within sight.  We conversed here and there, before the girls decided to go to another place that played country music.

I let JR know we’d be leaving, and politely told him they were welcome to come.  His buddy had to be up early to ride his bike 70 miles the next day… [SEVENTY MILES]…. so he’d be going home after that drink, but JR said he wanted to meet us.  So the girls left, and the guys stayed.  Reds is amazing… it turns into a country/western dance party on weekend nights, so we were having a blast. I half expected JR not to come, but he did.   The rest of the night was a lot of fun.

Saturday,  JR told me he had work to do all day, but asked me to meet him for lunch at a cafe in between our two houses.  I did.  He’s interesting to talk to.  His facial expressions give me something to think about.  And his hair makes me want to take my hand and just mess it up a little.  I think his hair actually resembles his personality and his take on life.  I kinda just want to take my hand and mess it all up a little.

Now he’s gone… back to The Netherlands… haven’t heard from him since before he left.  I guess I don’t know if I’m going to see him again.  I guess I can’t really tell if I care either way.  Hmmm… something to ponder.

I think I need to make myself go to sleep now…. Tata for now, Munchkins.


Gossip Girl



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