Double Dates (Meaning TWO…)

So I got home from work yesterday and plopped my butt on the couch.  I didn’t really feel like going on this date, but also didn’t feel rude enough to cancel at the last-minute.  V walks in and sits down with me.  We’re both swiping away at Tinder, and I say,

“I wonder if we have any of the same matches?”

So we both pull up all of our matches and we’re trying to compare, when I decided this game would be way more fun with a bottle of wine.  So it turned into:

“Do you have a Chris?”

“Go Fish.  Drink.”

“Do you have an Evan?”

“Go Fish.  Drink.”

“Do you have a Tom?”

“Yes!”

“Does he have a glass of whiskey in his hand??”

“Yes!!”

“Let me see!”

“Nope, two different Toms with glasses of whiskey in their hands.  Go fish.”

Brie walks in shortly after and sees V with a glass of wine, and asks, “Are we still going for a walk?”

V says, “Well I don’t really WANT to…”

So the game continues until its time for me to leave.

I decide to walk because I still haven’t caught onto the fact that nobody in this town walks places or takes public transportation.  When I told my roommate T, I was taking the bus downtown the other night she goes, “What???”  followed by, “You’re so funny.”  It was $2.25!!!  And hassle free!  I loved it!  Anyway… off topic.

I called Emitch on my walk and she asks, “How far is the place?”

“Eh, like a mile and a half?”

“WHAT??!  Why are you walking there?  You’re going to be a disgusting sweaty mess by the time you get there.”

“No, it’s not hot here when the sun goes down.  I’m actually thinking about putting my jacket on.”

“Ok.”

Flash forward, I was LATE (obvi) so I broke into a speed walk towards the end and I WAS a sweaty mess by the time I arrived.  The dude was what I expected, looks-wise.  He was kinda little, but good-looking.  But, like too put-together, good-looking.  I don’t think my brother reads these posts, but if he did he’d come and slap me, because this guy was a “Lax-Bro” and my brother gave me a strict “no dating lacrosse players” rule.  It’s basically his only rule.  And this guy had a photo of himself PLAYING lacrosse as one of his OkCupid profile pics, so I felt a little guilty agreeing to go out with him.  Which, let’s address here.  He played lacrosse in COLLEGE… and he’s 33, so I’m not the best at math, but that was ummm…. a really long time ago.  And it came up in conversation at least three times.  Like we actually had a side conversation ABOUT lacrosse, which isn’t even a sport I’ve ever cared about.

But in any case, he was nice, he had a job, he had his shit together, and he was a gentleman.  I wasn’t feeling it though.  And I agreed to a second drink, but didn’t really want it.  And I was texting on the side in the bathroom (I know, bitchy move), but some other guy who knew I was on a date wanted to meet up afterwards, and my sister said she’d pick me up after school and take me somewhere else, so these bathroom breaks were needed for coordination purposes.  Well, and because I had to pee.  Obvi.

So we’re sitting, chatting, and I realized I didn’t even know his last name (I actually kinda forgot his first name too because I never saved it in my phone).  So I pulled a slick move and scrolled to his first text to see what his name was.  It was what I would have guessed, so I felt a LITTLE better about myself.  Then I asked for his last name.  He told me.  Then he says, “It’s Spanish… well Mexican.”

“HAHAHAHHA you’re Mexican?!  I have to tell my sister!”

Which gives me another excuse to text.  She had just asked me that day why all the guys she meets are Mexican, and I never meet any.  So I had to notify her immediately.

Lax-Bro then says, “Is this strictly for your phone, or are you going to google me when you get home?”

“I’m totally going to google you.”

“Well, I guess I should warn you about something then…”

Ohhh geez… here we go….

“A couple of years ago, another guy who came from Mexico has the same exact first and last name… He moved up to Oregon…. and I guess he shot a few people…. soooo… when you google my name there’s a lot of news articles about that…”

“OMG!  You’re a murderer?!?!”

“Not me… just a guy with the same name…”

That’s it.  I was convinced.  He’s a murderer.  It’s not a common name.  At all.  And it was a good way out of this date.  I don’t date murderers.

I told him my sister was going to pick me up on her way back from school, which in my opinion, took way too long.  And she wanted to see him.  So she parked the car and came in.  She met him for about 2 minutes, then I told him it was time for us to go. So we said our goodbyes and pretended to go home, but went to a bar down the street to meet the other guy.

Carissa said, “ew” and “absolutely not” about the Lax-Bro.  Second guy walks in, says hello and then goes to the bar to get a drink and she says, “much better than the last one.”

So he comes up to the table and asks, “So how was your first date of the night?”

“It was ok.  He was a nice guy.  Carissa didn’t like him.”

“What was wrong with him?”

Carissa makes a motion near her eyeballs and said, “He had really creepy eyes.”

[Murderer].

Second date shrugs, looks at Carissa and says, “So do you go on all of her dates?”

“Pretty much…”

The guy was a Jew.  I personally have nothing against dating Jews, but from past experience (not really my own experience), I know that their mothers never like them dating or marrying non-Jews, so I feel like it’s kinda a waste of time.  I obviously told him this.  He said his mother is like the one from “Mean Girls…” I wasn’t sure how to take that.  I think I’d be frightened of her.

The three of us are sitting at a table, and some guy I’ve never seen before comes up and says, “Are you Court?”

I’m like… “Ummm.. yeah?”

He says, “Were you at a Yelp event downtown on Tuesday night, wearing a name-tag and sitting at the bar with one of your girlfriends?”

“Ummmm yeahhh….”

“I was the server for the tables!  I went like THIS all night!”  (he puts his arm straight up in the air, imitating a server with a tray on his hand).

Omg…. how is he recognizing me right now?  And you should have seen the Jew’s face, he was so confused by this encounter.

Then the server says, “You wrote us up an awesome review!”

“You read my review????”

“Yeah, it was awesome.  And I’m so glad you called out that obnoxious woman who was giving the bartender a hard time!  She was the WORST!”

“You saw that happen too?????”

“Yeah, I was standing right next to you.”

I am so oblivious.

The Jew was very confused.  Even after I tried to explain.  But he let it go.  He asked if Lax-Bro had sent me a follow-up text, and I told him no.  He left shortly after because he had to let his dog out, and also because he was probably freaked out.  He sent me a text a few minutes after, saying the only reason he was texting was because he felt bad that the other guy didn’t text me.  Gee, thanks.

He then admitted we are probably the worst match ever, but followed it up by saying we should get together again, possibly Sunday to discuss it further.  Dudes are so confusing.

Carissa’s Mexican lover, Tonto came out and met us, WITHOUT any friends… always solo… Never any love for me.  Worst wingman ever.  We counted him as our third date for the night anyway, then he drove us home.

Just another Thursday night.

And since it’s finally Friday and I LOL’ed  (thanks Lisa)…. I will leave you with this:

20130823-092730.jpg

xoxo

Gossip Girl

First Date…. JR

Jake from State Farm took up entirely too much space in my posts.  He’s not completely terrible, but I definitely won’t be dating him.  I won’t rule out meeting up again, I’m sure running into each other is bound to happen at some point, and I’m fine with that.

Carissa asked if I’d be going back on match.com now that I moved here.  I said definitely not yet.  I wanna feel my way around on my own first.  I do still have an active okcupid account, which is free, and many people see as a joke.  Because it’s free.  I just take it with a grain of salt.  I’m not really actively on there, but am not opposed to responding to messages of people who seem fun and normal.  My take on it is, I’m new in town;  having a new friend wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen, so I’m keeping an open mind.

A guy who we will call JR messaged me on OKC (that’s what the cool kids call it for short).  He seemed cute and adventurous, and although he admitted to drinking protein shakes as meals (gag), he definitely didn’t look or seem to be a meathead.  He has a traditional job, which as I mentioned in a past post, is uncommon ’round these parts.  When I say a traditional job, I mean he has one.  That he goes to.  5 days a week.  And gets a paycheck.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all about the paycheck, but guys with zero motivation in life just bother me.  A lot.  I was anxious to get away from all of the NYC materialistic “suits,” but what I failed to realize is that the polar opposite in a guy is equally as unattractive.

So anyway, here we have a seemingly laid back dude… with a job, a propensity towards travel, and a resident of Mission Beach (convenience).  We sent each other a couple of emails, in which I made it clear I’m not a fan of being “pen-pals” with someone I don’t know and have never met.  I feel like it just gets awkward when you talk to someone a bunch, then meet them, decide you don’t like them, and then just quit talking to them.

So…. JR responded with “I know this is really last-minute, but would you be able to go out tonight?  I’m leaving for Europe on Friday for several weeks for work, so we’d have to be pen-pals until after that… or not.”

Errrrrrr…..  that’s annoying.  Who has to go to Europe for several weeks??  Shut up, Court, be happy he HAS a job.  I was kinda busy that night attending a birthday party for a bar I’d never even been to with some friends from college.  Yes, it was important.  They had good drink specials.  So I told him I was going, but if he didn’t find it awkward, he was welcome to join.  He surprisingly accepted the invitation.

Soooo…. I’m sitting there at a table with a bunch of people.  JR hadn’t gotten there yet.  Carissa and everyone else obviously had seen his pictures so they knew who to look for.  All of the sudden Carissa stands up on her bar stool peg, waves her arms and goes

“There he is!”

I instinctively hopped off my chair without really looking at him, and walked right up.  The guy standing next to him looked at me and said “Oh she actually showed up.”  I said:

“Hi JR!”

He said, “I’m not JR.”

I ran away.

Ugh…. CARISSA!!!!!

So the correct person, did walk in shortly after, and the night went well.  He met my sister and her Mexican lover, Tonto.  Look at that, two shout-outs to Tonto in one week.   My PSU friends made fun of me, but there’s very little that offends me.   He was the type of guy that grows on you.  The more I talked to him, the more I liked him.  And Carissa and I didn’t scare him away…. soooooo……..

After a couple of hours I excused myself because I had an early morning.  He left as well.  And offered me a ride home.  In his Mercedes.  I was like oooolalalaaa I feel rich!  And I didn’t put that sentence in quotes, because I didn’t actually say that out loud, thank goodness.  A few of the things you probably shouldn’t say on a first date, I obviously did say.  Which include but are not limited to:

1.  Windshield wipers turn me on

2.  Rainex turns me on

3.  I wish it rained here so I could take advantage of my Rainex.

Despite these being the last things I said to him before a hug goodbye, he dug me.  He told me so.  And he told me to avoid all other men until he gets back.  I told him fat chance.  In a nicer way.  I only met him for less than 3 hours…. I’m not sold yet.   Butttttt I haven’t ruled him out either…..

Catch ya on the flip side.

xoxo Gossip Girl

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