Me: “I think I’m going to sell my SUV and get a Prius…”
[as i look across the couch to see his facial expression]
———————-
[he doesn’t look up from his laptop; his facial expression doesn’t change]
Ginge: “I think we should start seeing other people…”
I just smirk. I would never sell my SUV to buy a Prius unless absolutely necessary. Not that I have anything against Prius’ (or Priuses?) in general, but they’re really just not my cup of tea to drive. I just knew the suggestion would ruffle Ginge’s feathers, as it did. Yet, he knew I was joking with my random comment.
What this got me thinking about, however, was, what if Ginge were to say to me truthfully and genuinely, “I think we should start seeing other people?”
I mean this comment stemmed from the jokiest of jokes, but it brought to my attention that in the past 14 months, this thought has never crossed my mind. Am I naive? Am I egotistical? What the HECK am I? I thought back to the time when I just met Ginge. We had only gone on two, maybe three dates, and T-Diddy [mom] was asking about him over the phone. I remember telling her:
“It’s weird. I don’t have to guess about him. He always calls, he always texts, he always follows through with plans… I don’t even have to wonder with him…”
What the HECK game did he play? Well apparently a freakin’ good one. He played the game in which you are an actual genuine person who says and does what he says he’s going to do, and treats a woman like she’s actually a human being. I mean, really? It’s not that hard. But sadly, it’s out of the ordinary, and this is something I commented to T-Diddy. She, of course, gave me her wonderful motherly advice, that I SHOULDN’T have to wonder and I SHOULDN’T ever worry if he’s going to call me again.
Which brings me to my current point. At over a year I have NEVER wondered or worried about if Ginge was going to call again, or if he didn’t like me anymore. He’s always made me feel like I’ve had him and I’ll never lose him. But this one comment really got me thinking more than I usually do [I guess I don’t think that much?]… Have I made him feel similarly?
I feel like I’ve been screwed over so many freakin’ times over the past several years, that it’s been all about me… “does he like me?” “is he treating me correctly?” “is he making ME his number ONE priority?” “does he love my family?” “can he live without me?” …blah blah blah… me, me, ME….
What about HIM? Let’s not get me wrong… I’ve come to really love this guy to death. But that silly comment just put this thought in my head…. what if he were to want to leave ME? [I mean who really would want to leave me?? But still…] HELLO!!!! Get off your high horse, you ASS! This is a two-way street!! How have I never even considered that this wonderful, kind, handsome, completely fantastic man could ever do better? [Well, better…? No, he couldn’t…] But my point being… I knew those silly words that came out of his mouth, “I think we should start seeing other people,” were completely nonsense, and joking around, but they really hit home.
If I had heard those words out of his mouth in truth, I’m not sure what I would do. I know I’d probably be in shock… because apparently over the past 14 months, I’ve felt the most secure I’ve ever felt in a relationship before. I guess all I can say here is that maybe i learned a bit about myself. I’ve learned that I hope I’m doing all I can to make my man feel just as secure as I do. And if I’m not, I sure as hell need to do a better job. Thanks, Ginge… for being you.
‘Til we meet again… hopefully less than 3 months from now….
xoxo
Gossip Girl
breathe in, laugh out 