The Grass Is Always Greener…

16 Jan 2014 2 Comments

by CoJo in dating, life Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

… Always.

A friend posted an article on Facebook today called:  20 Ways Married Women Betray Our Single Girlfriends.  It was written by someone who was married, as sort of eye-opener, and an apology to her single girlfriends.  There are a few things I agree with, a few I don’t, a few that made me laugh, but as a whole, it made me think about how no matter what our relationship status, there are always things we envy of those on the other side of the fence.

Being in my early 30’s (ew, a;ldksfjadlfkja), the majority of my closest girlfriends are married… some have been for years.  Many have children.  I can honestly say that in my early 20’s, I thought I’d be one of the first.  I had been in the longest, most serious relationship of any of my friends, and I didn’t see any path other than the one that led us down the aisle into happily ever after.  I’d like to take my 23-year-old self and give her a swift kick in the ass.  I didn’t know what I was doing when I was 23.  I had no business living in a high-rise overlooking the Manhattan skyline with my college boyfriend, when our combined salaries barely paid the rent, and we basically pulled the couch cushions up about once a week to look for change for dinner.  No business.  But that’s what I chose to do.  And I thought it made me happy.  And I thought I was a grown-up and knew all there was to know.

That relationship ran its course.  The boyfriend moved to California for work, and my job wouldn’t allow me to go with him.  We tried to make it work for a while, but when push came to shove, I guess it just wasn’t right.  That one took me a long time to get over.  A lot of ups and downs, and “did we do the right thing?” and visits, and relapses, until one of us entered into a relationship with someone else, and things were finally really over.  It wasn’t until my next serious relationship that I realized how big of a dumbass I would have been to get married in my early 20’s.  I had no idea who I was. I had no idea what a real, grown-up relationship looked like.  I didn’t know that passion wasn’t enough to have a healthy relationship.   That following one taught me a lot.  It taught me I could truly trust a person.  It showed me that a higher level connection was possible, and it taught me that the person I want to be with is one I can sit on a front porch with until I’m 90 and not run out of things to talk about.  It also taught me that two people’s priorities and goals need to align in order for a relationship to work.  Which, in this case, they did not.

What has taught me the most, though, is the past two years.  The ones I spent alone.  I spent my entire 20’s in serious relationships, thinking every step of the way that marriage was the goal, and what was going to come next.  I failed to look around, and see that there’s more going on outside of my little box than creating the perfect relationship, and wondering what the stupid ring would look like on my stupid fat finger.  Like really?  Who CARES?!  Come to think of it, I’d like to give my entire 20’s-self a swift kick in the ass…  For not really getting to know who I was alone.  For caring about crap that really didn’t matter at all… And for not really opening my eyes and turning from side to side.

The past two years have been liberating.  Lonely at times?  Yeah, of course.  Missing having a significant other to love sometimes?  Yeah.  But very much-needed.  I don’t think as women, we always put enough stock in ourselves as individuals.  It’s all about the chase for the perfect relationship, settling down with a house and kids, but what about our relationships with ourselves?  Do we know ourselves without “another half?”  Maybe some do.  Maybe some were way farther along than I was in my early 20’s.  But I sure as hell had no clue what I was doing, and I probably still have a lot to learn.

The article above hammers the point home.  As much as some of us feel we should be looking for marriage and should be starting to have children, maybe we should look around and see what we do have.  Maybe we should realize that even if the husband and kids are the end goal, there ARE things about single life we will surely miss.  As dreadful and awkward as many first dates are, as much as we’d like someone to cuddle up and watch a movie with sometimes, just take a moment and really think… think about when we’re married with little kids running around… how much we’re going to remember those nights at the bar with our other single girlfriends bitching about whatever meathead there was to bitch about at the time.  And laughing about the awful dates and the weird things we accidentally said.  And as much as I know I want the family life eventually… at some point, I do realize, I may mutter the words, “I miss Tinder.”

Peace out, muffins.

xoxo

Gossip Girl

“My Roommate Thinks You’re Cute…”

15 Oct 2013 1 Comment

by CoJo in fun, life Tags: , , , , , , ,

… works like a charm

This past weekend went as most do… completely randomly.  Carissa and I had a friend from home who was in town for a wedding, so we spent part of Saturday with him, getting lunch at Nick’s, which ended up turning into mimosas, bloody marys and LI iced teas.  We then wandered over to Lahaina’s on the beach for some fine pitchers of beer, because no out-of-of-towner’s trip to SD can be complete without some quality time at Lahaina’s.

V came to meet up, and Carissa and Roupen headed out shortly after.   V and I positioned ourselves in our usual spot, which is at the edge of the deck right by the wooden railing, with the sidewalk below.  During our normal (not really normal) conversation, we both looked down below when some loud motorcycles pulled up.  Two of the guys were older fat men with huge beards and tats all over, and then there was one who looked somewhere between our ages, and besides a sleeve of tattoos, looked pretty clean-cut… biker-sexual, if you will.

V says, “I LOVE guys on motorcycles.”

I knew.

“Well, that one’s actually pretty hot.”

He took his helmet off, and it was confirmed.  Definite hottie.

I tell V, “I’m going to talk to him for you.”

“No.  Please don’t.”

“Yeah, it’ll be fine.”

“Please don’t.  I hate it when you do this.”

“Oh, stop being like Carissa.”

I lean over the railing and wave to the guy who had just gotten off of his bike.  He looks over, smiles, and waves back.  I gesture for him to come over.  He obliges.  I start a pretty normal (probably not normal) conversation with him, and collect the basic information (he’s single, 28 and lives in the area), before telling him I think he’d be great for my roommate and she’s really cute.

He says, “Oh, really?  Who’s your roommate?  What does she look like.”

V is sitting across the table and probably about ready to murder me, when I point to her and say, “Well she’s here!  This is V.”

He says, “Oh wow, she is cute.”

V and motorcycle man introduce themselves from over the railing, and although he is in a rush because his big motorcycle dudes are waiting for him and one of them is out of gas, he asks V for her number, and immediately messages her to make sure she has his as well.

He walks away, and I say, “You’re welcome.”  V rolls her eyes, but I can tell she’s into it.

I pat myself on my back, because I feel I was a pretty darn good wingman, and I’ve done my good deed for the day.

V and I left Lahaina’s shortly after to catch a shuttle bus to Oktoberfest in OB, the next town south of us.  The problem that I created for myself was that I just had such an easy time picking up a guy for someone else, so I got it in my head that it should be just as easy of a task to do for myself.  Piece.of.cake.

We get to Oktoberfest, walk around the vendors for a bit, then head to the tent to grab a couple of beers.  I immediately spot a tall, beefy, sexual man in the distance.  I spotted him because his head was higher up in the crowd than other people’s.  This is rocket science, I know.  I told V, “Okay, I’m going to go wingman myself, like I wingman’ed you.”

We walk over, and my genius-ass takes the same exact approach as I did with the motorcycle dude, since it worked so well that time.  “My roommate thinks your cute,” I think, might have been the line.  He asks if V, who is standing next to me is my roommate and I respond,

“No.  Well, yes, she is, but no, it’s not her.”

Somehow we continue talking to the guy and three of his friends, with them all seeming to forget about that “roommate” who thought he was cute.  We hit it off, and ended up agreeing to go with one of the couples to their house to let their dogs out, and then back to PB to all go out there.  I think it was during the car ride when one of the girls said,

“So wait… where’s your roommate that thought [Beefy] was cute?”

V and I look at each other for a second.   Whoops.  “Oh, in Rhode Island.”

“Then how did she know he was cute?”

“Who said it was a she?”

I think we just confused them so much, they dropped the subject.  We ended up hanging out all night, dancing, and knocking over photo booths… pretty typical evening.

Beefy and I will apparently be seeing each other again Thursday night.   And V got some super-sweet selfies from motorcycle man today.  Things are looking up.

xoxo

Gossip Girl

Yachts and A(nother) First Date…

28 Aug 2013 7 Comments

by CoJo in dating, fun, life Tags: , , , , , ,

I wish every day could be the weekend.  Specifically last weekend.  I attended the Cubs/Padres game with my sister and roommates on Friday night, followed by a trip to our favorite local dive bar in PB, The Silver Fox, where I dropped my phone in the toilet.  I quickly plucked it out, and it actually survived, which was surprising.  I met ANOTHER Jew at the bar who wanted to take me out, but lives in northern California or something?  And was just here staying for work?  And he wanted me to come up to wine country to meet him?  Or some other ridiculous request?  Okay, I’m done with the question marks.  That’s just to signify “this is kinda weird because I just met you 10 minutes ago at a dive bar.”

Saturday can be summarized in a short, all-inclusive video that one of the guys made:

Yachting!!

That was an amazing day with some awesome people.  Annndddd… my phone fell in the toilet AGAIN.  This time, I stuck a fork in it; it was done.  What did people do without technology?  Less than 24 hours later I was back up and running with a new (old) iPhone, and had 21 messages from people wondering where I was.  Granted, 17 of them were from the same person… but still.  Now this old phone won’t let me download Tinder, which poses a problem for so many reasons.

1.  I get bored at work

2.  I feel stranded… what if hot men are messaging me and I can’t see them

3.  I get bored at work

4.  I can’t refresh my facts.

Refreshing facts are important.  All of the information for the guys is in that little app…. their age…. their initial messages introducing themselves (location, jobs, etc).  So although I already had a phone number and a date set up with one of them, I couldn’t go back to the app to refresh my facts beforehand.  #firstworldproblems.

So this guy I was going to go out with was apparently a Tinder newbie.  We exchanged numbers and texted a bit… then on Sunday as I was organizing my room, and we were having a normal text conversation, my phone rings.  Errrr… it’s him.  Calling me.  I answer.

“Hey… it’s D.”

“Uhhh…. hi?”

Why is he calling me?  This is weird.  He said wanted to CALL so it would be more normal (less awkward) when we met.  I told him the phone call was way more awkward.  But he kept talking anyway.  And when I told him I was organizing my dresser drawers, he made the mistake of asking me how I was organizing them, so I continued on, detailing which articles of clothing were in which drawers for the next 5 minutes.  By the time we got off the phone 15 minutes later, he admitted that he regretted asking that question.  I was hoping he regretted CALLING me too.  I hate talking on the phone.  Especially to people I don’t know.

So I’m sitting on my sister’s balcony drinking a glass of wine on Monday, and texted him asking what time we were going to meet the next night.  Instead of just answering my simple question, he immediately CALLS me.  I answer:

“Oh, so you’re going for a second phone call??”

“I just thought it was the nicer thing to do.”

Ugh.  I tell him my sister comes on all of my dates, so that she’d be picking me up.  He says, “Oh, okay.  Is she coming out with us for the whole time?”

“No, just at the end.  To look at you.”  (But he’d be ok with her coming out with us for the whole time?  Hahahahaha…)

“Oh, I get it… so she can judge.”

“Exactly.”

“Ok, that’s cool.”

So we made a plan.  The following night I took public transportation from Pacific Beach to downtown San Diego where he lives.  It’s not far.  It’s like a 15 minute drive.  But I just didn’t want to have to deal with having a car in a city.

Bus:  $2.25

Trolley from bus:  $2.50

Look on my date’s face when I told him I took public transportation:  Priceless.

I don’t get it.  I really don’t understand why no one takes advantage of the public transportation here.  It’s so easy!  And so fast.  And so fun.  But anyway… I met him outside of his fancy condo complex.  There were waterfalls and everything.  Fancy.  We walked to a place called Vin de Syrah.  Fancy.  It was kinda underground with an Alice in Wonderland theme going on.  The door to get in was hidden & covered in grass, and there was a decoy door to trick people.  There was also a hidden camera which was linked to a TV inside so everyone could laugh at people trying to get in.  Thankfully, my roommate, T had been to this place before, so she warned me beforehand about the secret door.  I think my date was really disappointed that I didn’t look like a fool… because he had no intentions of directing me to the real door.

The inside was cool.  There was grass and plants on the walls, and playing cards on the ceiling.  So we sat down at the bar, except they weren’t bar stools.  It was like a two person cushioned bench.  So because I’m such a prude, I put my purse in between us so we wouldn’t awkwardly brush up against each other.   I’m so freakin’ awkward.

So conversation was going well… we were laughing and chatting, and it was natural.  Until it somehow came up in conversation that he has asthma.  I really, truly don’t know why, but I made some kind of awful looking face and was like, “you have asthma??”

He was confused by my reaction… and explained it was very mild asthma.  I asked if he had an inhaler and he said no.  Then he asked if that really bothered me and I just burst out laughing, because I realized how ridiculous I was acting.  He goes,

“You should have seen your face.  It was a look of disgust I’ve never seen before.  I was half expecting you to get up and run out of here.”

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I did that.  I have nothing against asthma, I swear.”

“I was preparing for my buddies to ask how it went and I’d have to tell them, ‘I thought it was going well until I told her I had asthma and she just ran out.'”

Whoops.

After a drink, we went to another place for one more, which was more my scene… a bit more casual and pubby.  That’s where Carissa met us to come pick me up.  To be honest, I definitely could have stayed out with him for longer.  We were just getting into the meat of some good conversation.  But it was probably a perfect length of time… enough to get a feel for each other’s personalities, but leaving enough yet to be known to want to see each other again.

As soon as we dropped him off, Carissa gave her nod of approval with a simple:  “He’s the winner so-far.”

So… we’ll see.

JR is still up the wazoo texting from Amsterdam and comes home on Friday.  I didn’t really follow orders to not see any other guys… so I’m a little bit like “oopsy poopsy, I went on like 8 dates while you were gone.”  But at least he’ll be happy to know the majority of them were horrible.

Over and out for now, my little popsicles.

xoxo

Gossip Girl

Some Random Thursday Notes…

22 Aug 2013 3 Comments

by CoJo in dating, fun, life Tags: , , , , , ,

I really hate when guys from Tinder say:  “why the hell are you on Tinder?” implying there must be something very wrong with me that they haven’t yet figured out, which makes me think there must be something very wrong with THEM…

“Why is anyone on Tinder??” is usually my response… which makes them realize they’re on Tinder as well, which is how they started talking to me in the first place.

Guys from OkCupid say “Tinder’s just for hookups…” which is when I say to them, “Some people say the same about OkCupid.”

Guys from match.com say “OkCupid and Tinder are for people who aren’t actually serious about finding someone to date.”

And when I ask why they think that, their response is “because you don’t have to PAY for those sites.”

Oh I’m sorry, I’d feel much more comfortable PAYING MONEY for my next boyfriend.  You’re right.  Let me weed out the dating sites based on how much they cost.

Guys who are on no dating sites at all say, “Why are you on those sites???”

“WHY NOT????” I obviously have not met my future husband at the library or at a bar… so whyyyyy the heck not?

In any case, I must somehow be oozing desperation?  My married co-worker who covers the LA territory texted me yesterday:

A:  “Are u on Facebook?”

Me:  “Yeah I am”

A:  “I was going to show u a buddy’s profile who I think you should meet.  6’5, blonde, athletic…36 or 37… sells advertising for a   reputable magazine… fun dude.”

Me:  “Besides the blonde, sounds good.”

So I checked him out, and gave A the go-ahead to send him my info.  I think he’s a little too good-looking for me.  But A assured me he knows what he’s doing, and he thinks we’d hit it off.  I don’t really mesh well with “pretty-boys” because I feel like they usually want “pretty-girls,” of which I am not.  I’m not the girliest of girls.  And it’s hard for me to pretend I am.  Not that I’d want to pretend I was…but you get the point.

In other news, I pulled up to an office yesterday for work, and put my scrub top on (I wear less clothing to drive between offices).  I got out of my car with my pants still pushed up to my knees like a gangsta, and as I walked towards the door they began to fall into place… one at a time.  So if you want to picture this… bright neon sneakers with a shirt half-on, tank top underneath, and one pant leg rolled up to the knee…with a huge bag over my shoulder.  There was no one around at this time, so I had plenty of time to fix myself before I reached the door.

So I thought…. a dude in a Mariner sitting in the parking lot rolls his window down as I’m walking by his car and shouts out “Hey!  Are you from Jersey?”

I jumped.  I didn’t see him there.  Damn, I need to get my plates changed.  I turn around to his open window.  He’s in blue Boston Scientific scrubs, so I felt immediately comforted.  One of my own.  I haven’t seen any device reps around since I’ve been out here.  Turns out he is originally from Long Island too, only a half an hour from where I grew up.  He moved out to the west coast with another large device company a couple of years ago.  We immediately had a friendly connection; he felt for me being such a newbie here, and he sold a spinal cord stimulator, which is a position I had applied for back east.  So we had a lot of common ground.  We exchanged cards.

I’m wondering if I may have been too friendly, because he has already texted me several times, and actually called me this morning while I was on a conference call.  I thought he’d be a great professional connection to have, but I’m not sure if he is seeing this connection as professional or personal.  And as awesome as he seemed, I’m not really into dating anyone in the same profession.  Sales people are such d-bags.

I guess that’s enough for my long-winded update of the day.  It’s Thursday.  Thank goodness…. I’m thirsty.

xoxo

Gossip Girl

%d bloggers like this: