Night two of our road-trip we spent in Nashville. It was a “must-stop” location, so we planned it so we would arrive in the evening with enough time to go out and see the town. As we were driving early in the day, Carissa says: “I can’t wait to get to Tennessee tonight and have a glass of whiskey!”
“Oh, I guess I’ll have one too.”
“You can put ginger ale in yours. I wont call you a [wussy].”
Oh, gee, thanks.
It was a Monday night. That apparently matters… even in a touristy town like Nashville. There was NO ONE out. And when I say there was no one out, I mean it was EMPTY… to the extent that in every bar we walked into, the live band greeted us personally.
At the first place, we took a seat at the bar next to a strange couple. A younger woman who yelled, “TICKLE ME!” at the band, and an older man in a cowboy hat, with a hook for a hand. Scratch that, TWO hooks… one for EACH hand. That didn’t stop him from chugging beer, as he had a special beer-holding attachment on one of the hooks.
The band began talking to us on their mics, being those two were obviously locals and we were the only other ones in the bar. They asked if we wanted to come up to the stage.
I asked, “Can I play your piano?”
“Sure!”
The woman behind the bar goes, “Honey, that’s not a piano.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, can I play your KEYBOARD?”
“That’s not a keyboard either. It’s a steel guitar. If you go up there thinking it’s a keyboard, they’re gonna make fun of you.”
Oh… whoops. Who knew about steel guitars? Thanks, bartender.
That scene got boring pretty quickly, so we moved to the next bar… at which we were greeted immediately by the band: “Hey ladies! Can you please take a seat up front so we can look at your legs?”
Errr ew? Carissa whispers, “Get those two seats in the back,” and continues to the ladies room.
I’m sitting there, spinning in my stool, admiring the huge deer head on the wall, which makes me think about my newfound knowledge of taxidermy. I recently spent a week training a new rep from Tennessee, so I got an earful about hunting, fishing, hiking and stuffing animals to hang on your wall.
Carissa comes and joins me, and I ask her, “Do you know how they do taxidermy?”
She stares at me with a blank look on her face.
I ask, “Do you know what taxidermy is??”
She finally snaps to it and responds, “Ohhhh yeah…. sorry, at first I thought you were talking about what Chase does.” (our brother is an accountant…..)
“No, I’m talking about preserving dead animals and hanging them on the wall. Do you know how they do that?”
She looks at me with a completely straight face and says, “Yeah. Glue.”
“GLUE?????” Now I’m laughing…. “You think they take GLUE and rub it all over the animal???”
“Yeah.”
“No, you idiot.”
I continue to teach her about taxidermy and then say, “Do you know about the eyes?”
“Yeah they’re glass.”
“Oh wow, good job… I didn’t know that part.”
“What’d you think they were REAL eyes??”
“Yeah, I guess….”
“And I’M the idiot?!”
Time for the city girls to move on from this town before someone overhears a conversation and throws us out…..
Until next time… xoxo Gossip Girl
breathe in, laugh out 