breathe in, laugh out

The only thing that sucks worse than moving, is doing it all yourself.  The only thing worse than doing it all yourself, is if “yourself” is me, and you lack every sort of common sense it takes to efficiently pack up a two bedroom condo.   Especially when it’s a third-floor walk-up and its over 100 degrees outside.  Then you’re just a sweaty, smelly, bloody dumbass carrying large items in poorly chosen containers down the stairs all day long.

I decided I needed some shelves to put in my basement to store a lot of the stuff I’m not taking with me.  Buying shelves requires me going to Home Depot.  By myself.  I’d rather be sucked on by leeches.  When looking for shelving I had two requirements:

1.  It’s cheap (being that my checking account was a huge goose egg yesterday.  What am I, in college??)

2.  It’s easy to assemble.

I find a nice man in an orange apron and he asks if I need help.

“Yes, I’m looking for shelves.  The kind you put in your basement to store stuff on.  And they shouldn’t look nice.”

He thankfully knows exactly what kind of shelves I’m talking about, and directs me to them.  I ask, “Which one is easiest to put together?”

“All of them.”

[Yeah right].

I chose the cheapest ones that seemed like they would do the job.  The nice man said “Let me get that for you,” and tried to take the big box out of my hands.

“No, no.  Thank you, but I need to make sure I can carry this on my own; otherwise, it won’t work.”

He looks at me funny.  But I know that I need to be able to carry it, or else it will:

A) never get into my trunk and then

B) never get OUT of my trunk and

C) never get carried to the basement

And as there were like 3 instructions seeming to be the easiest assembly EVER IN THE UNIVERSE, it was OBVIOUSLY not as easy as it should have been for any normal human being, and 30 minutes and millions of drips of sweat later, the stupid freakin’ thing is finally assembled.  And not big enough.  And I’m not going back to that Godforsaken place to get another one.  So the rest of the crap will go on the floor and get destroyed again by the next hurricane in that cesspool of a basement.  That’s settled.

When I moved into this place two years ago, I was excited about all the closet space.  I had a roommate for the first year who used part of the closet space, and the remaining was still more than enough to house all of my belongings.  Once my roommate moved out, it was like I received a glorious gift… MORE closet space!!!!  Now I want to punch myself in the face for every single time I went shopping when I just happened to be next to a Marshalls or a Target, or a TJ Maxx, or God-forbid an entire MALL.  I don’t even LIKE the mall, but that didn’t stop me from just peeking my head into Macy’s every once in a while (this behavior mayyyy have contributed to the lack of current funds as well).

So here I am, with a disaster of an apartment, even though I’ve been packing for at least two weeks.  I have to be completely out of here in less than three days.  I’m not sure how this is going to happen, but it’s GOING to happen.  One way or another… it will happen.  For now, it’s time to meet my friends for drinks down at the Pier.  Priorities.

xoxo Gossip Girl